April 2006


911 Loose Change 2nd Edition with extra footage
(Google Video, 1h 21min)

A few days after 9/11, I remember sitting in my PR Campaigns class talking with other students about what may have actually happened and what the media was spinning. Two students called me UnAmerican for questioning my government’s sincerity and another friend later called me a conspiracy theorist claiming that no small (or especially large) group of individuals could pull off a well orchestrated conspiracy without getting caught or thwarted. That may be true…but I’m still waiting for a plausible explanation of what really happened.

To those class members and any else out there who may not agree with my views…Call me a conspiracy theorist, call me irreverent, call me what you want but don’t ever f*cking call me unpatriotic or unAmerican for questioning my government and its motives. I work for my government now and there are obviously arrogrant pricks among the crowd eager to make a name and a buck for themselves…I wouldn’t put anything past these jackals just like I wouldn’t put anything past those even higher up.

I question because I am patriotic. I seek answers by piecing together the non-obvious, non-official reports and news items. History has warned me that official body counts and experts will lie if the lie is deemed a “necessary evil” by individuals and groups more powerful than they are. And who has more power right now than our very own G.W. Bush. The man has blatently stated that he is above the law….how did I let this happen?!

It was unAmerican of me not to vote but I couldn’t support a flawed system. I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I have to take what I get even though it isn’t perfect. I’m still not in harmony with our flawed voting system but I will at least try this time. I know that the next election is still two years away… but I’m just lubing up.

In the meantime, I have a thesis to finish and miles more research to complete.

(4/16/2006)

I‘m still in a state of wonder over this dream I had today. After I got home from a long day at work I took a nap ….I looooove naps! But this time I had a very vivid dream and it went like this:

Charlie, Rick, Dean and I were sitting around in a circle of chairs with two other ladies that were not manifestations of anyone I know in waking life.

Lady #1 looked very similar to Professor Trelawney (from Harry Potter) and talked a mile a minute. You couldn’t get a word in edgewise and she was always interrupting you when you spoke.

Lady #2 looked like a cross between Betty (from the Flintstones) and the very tall guy from Big Fish but she did not ever say a word. She always looked sad and her face was long and deformed. She had black circles for eyes and the same haircut as Betty Rubble too.

Now we were all originally talking about a big party that we needed to have that night. I didn’t know why we were having a party but I like parties so any occassion to have one is good. Or so I thought….

While we were all talking I looked over to Rick who had a shimmer of tears in his eyes. Seeing this, Dean reached over and patted Rick on the arm. Now, I thought (in my dream) that it was strange to see Rick cry so I asked what was wrong. While Rick began to cry even more, out of the corner of my eye I saw Lady #1 lean over to Charlie and tell him something. Charlie nodded soberly and the two got up and went out to the lanai.

At this point Rick has calmed down a bit and three more characters come into the dream. A man with his two children, a son and a daughter. Dean and Rick take the three of them on the side to tell them something. When they all turned to me again I could see the same shimmering tears in all of their eyes and I began to worry. I asked them, “What is wrong?” But they all just shook their heads and bowed. Now I knew something was up and I began to get annoyed that everyone seemed to know something that I did not so I screamed, “Why is it that this five year old kid knows about and understands something that I don’t even know is going on?”

I rush out to the lanai and find Charlie and Lady #1 talking about something. I grab Charlie’s arm and he looks at me…again, with the shimmer of tears in his eye and tells me it’s going to be ok.

I’m worried again and shout, “Will someone please tell me what is going on!?” At this point, Dean comes forward and tells me, “The world is going to hit a meteor tomorrow and end. You will never see anyone again.”

Wide eyed I look at him and for a brief moment allow myself to think about those people I would never see again like my Mom or my Sister and those people Charlie would never see again. Snapping out of that, I tell everyone they are crazy and that we would have heard something before today if this were true. Not being a woman of science, I still have some doubt in my mind and I again begin to think of people I would never see again and even some people I may see again ………… death felt so imminent. Tears begin to well up and I start to cry. Then I wake up.

The room is very dark and I scream for Charlie – just to be sure. I feel a bit better now but still wonder what made me have a dream like this. I’m also reminded of a Robert Frost poem….

Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

– Robert Frost

So to all of my friends and family out in the world somewhere, I hope all is well with you, yours and the world tonight, tomorrow and forever. But just in case it isn’t and the world ends in my lifetime, know that I love you all and will see you again in times to come.

(4/7/2006)